Featuring the works of John Eyler
by John Eyler
They pose and they pander,
for power and prestige.
They practice persuasion,
and promise to please.
Such pillars of piousness,
so pathologically proud.
Each a preening panhandler,
each a putz on the prowl.
They prance with their party's,
to their patsy's they preach,
The pure propaganda,
of profit and peace.
We should pollard these pedagogues,
pound them to pulp.
Send them packing to Pakistan,
to preserve their pelts.
These profane provocateurs,
parading as people,
Lets pile them in pits,
and poke out their pupils.
by John Eyler
Such a captivating thicket
the poets all agreed
disturbing tangled imagery
a daunting haunting read
Obtuse and unforgiving
no one truly could confirm
what the Poet was asserting
so entwining were his terms
A treatise on the toes of God?
A tribute to a cat?
Poets gnashed through every vine
as if it were their last
And the Poet suffered accolades
from all those pruning fools
who tried to cut through
his accomplishment
with their blunt unsharpened tools
Brambles, roots and thorns in rhyme
the Poet who'd be King
couldn't tell a soul
the words he'd penned
weren't meant to mean a thing.
by John Eyler
He bought a new straight axle Humvie
and we laughed at him for days -
offered him a bridge to buy
as he had cash to throw away.
At first he didn't understand
why we all gave him such hell -
he so wanted to be one of the guys
it just wasn't going well
And so we threw him an intervention
and vowed to help him find his way
we had beer and enough hard liquor
to easily fill the Hudson Bay.
And so we started on our Doctorate
on the way that real men think
and first as any real man knows
you have to learn to drink
He learned that draft is better than bottled
every time without exception -
and that if you're drinkin' whisky
single malts are pure perfection.
And then we tutored him on sports
on which to like and which to not
Yes to football, baseball and basketball
no to soccer, yes to golf
Next up trucks and four wheel drives
and which engines really roar
never buy a ½ ton short bed
stick with Chevy, Dodge or Ford
We moved on then to Poker
and how to bluff and spot a tell
he was drunk as an Irish sailor
the intervention was going well.
And then he asked us about women
and the room grew deathly still
We said, "Don't try to understand them -
we've come to know we never will."
And then he said "How 'bout those Chargers"
and we offered him a yell -
we laughed and had another round
the intervention had gone well.
|
